My almost never break down

Its been a rough week for me...very rough..

I had work to do, and its not just simple drawings....its alot of things too....

By the work im suffering, i become tired...

and when im tired, i forgot, and became careless....

over the month... I've been shouted at, demoralized, take for granted, any mental attack a human can give to other human u ca imagine was thrown ..

I have to admit, im close to breakdown sometimes... And sometimes after work, i just sit in my car, listening to the silence of the world, or my ipod just to calm myself down....

but i never been even breakdown more than once...

I never let myself go down that path, but instead i get angry and tends to talk that way....

And here i thought i was right on about the full commitment and ready i was in a job.....and well, guess i was wrong, and abg zai was right....

Its not about just the job im abit depressed about....

Family matters, some friend issues, time management for myself sometimes....

LOL...

Im not going to let this get to me actually, i might be depressed but subconsciously i develop this barrier to get me off this things....

I become more involve in things, like work, games, movie than ever before, i want to do things perfectly sometimes, or even orderly, I avoid people who gets me into trouble or drama and just play my game....LOL...I tweet jua if im stress, i tweet with sarcasm alot nowdays.....

but at last, i know im not alone, i have few friends with me whom i know will hear me out about my problems....I have my abg zai jua...and last but not least, i have my sweetheart with me....

If i wish everything is easy as ABC, i wont realized how much people would care about me...

To abg zai, please get healthy alright? or u're lil bro over here still needs someone to talk with at times, I'll still prove to u i can stand stronger than ever, or even better than a gay man LOL....but you need to get healthy first.... I miss talking you~~

My inspirational story

A philosophy professor stood before his class with some items on the table in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about 2 inches in diameter.
He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “Yes.”

“Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter – like your job, your house, your car.
The sand is everything else. The small stuff.”

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued “there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal.

Take care of the rocks first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

I read this from Davy wavy, god bless him

My NDS

Okay...my birthday just pass by....lol

im having so much fun with it, had a surprise(abit expected)birthday cake.

I think i owe a big thanks to Miez and YOU...especially you, we've been going out for like just a few weeks, that suprise me the most actually. And it made me smile the whole day next day :D Thank you~~~

So leaning on the topic of my birthday....I brought myself a new toy... A NDS!!....with pokemon heartgold and final fantasy tactic as one of the games...hehehe.......i've been playing it quite a while now...but im still doing a pretty good job with my job.....even my boss knows i played pokemon now...lol...just this morning he ask me what pokemon i had in my pokewalker (which resides on my belt)....lol

here is just a quickiy blog tho....malas panjang2.....10 mins lagi balik rumah...kelmarin dah overtime lol

My 22'nd years in life

So, here i am sitting on my desk at work with no work....silly aint it?

Yeah thought so.....

Coming in a few days, ill be 22 baby....i'll recap my years so far eh?

I'm sitting here hearing Ry Cuming's songs (and him :p) which i am addicted to right now especially "Always Remember me", last year i know what song i was hearing in September, it was Micheal Buble "Haven't met you yet", which i jotted down on my UBD notepad, then two years ago it was September's "Cry for you"...

Now im currently doing nothing on my job which i clearly love right now, last few months i done nothing on nothing, last year I'm doing my attachment years and was still consider schooling, last two years, I'm schooling meeting all sorts of friends trying to surprise me(and some other friends) during puasa.

Now, i have someone, which i cherish every moment with him. Earlier this year, i made a big mistake, two years ago i was with someone and few months before that i was single and two years ago i was with someone...but at this moment, everything i made good or bad is the greatest thing i ever done 'cause i met you...

I live alone at the moment. A year ago, i live with my ex, two years ago, i live with a second big (hard-headed) sister, who teach me alot of things in life.

I now drive a car (pretty fast too)...previous years, i dont...and previous years, i follow anyone i can get to get me home.

What am i saying?

Things change, two or a year can go so quickly with a blink of an eye... I don't know how i change tho, i just did..drove a car, live alone, with someone, have a job....but i dont see myself change.... i do realised that im more organized, more serious, more hardheaded, and idk what else....but i'm still the same person that i am, i cried over mellow songs, i laugh when miez/cathy/hanis's jokes, i feel pain, i feel tired, i whine, i have my gaming needs...

and alas, I have no regrets, absolutely no regrets...I'm in a rush to get to my 22's pasal, idk, i just wanna feel an official (to myslef plg) start for everything...

I think i live up to my promise to abg zai, to be a better person...to give it all in life...

I thank especially to god, I never gave up on You. I thank Abg Zai, for pulling me thru all this time. I thank Miez and Yazin for always there for me, giving me a ride, having someone to laugh with. I thank cathy for the shelter and a shoulder to cry one. I owe Tuty for the one who always understand me and talking my side without no doubts. I thank Hanis for being a good listner. I thank both of parents for just giving birth to me to this world. And I owe a thank you to you, for everything you've given me or will be given to me in the future.

It might be early to say this, but Happy birthday to me....may the future give me prosperity in life.

My September

Its 3 days dah abis puasa....hahah...its been a great week for me....

SELAMAT HARI RAYA PEOPLE!!! MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN....

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September is being nice to me....of-course it is...its my month....

Its been a great and super month...and beautiful....

its not been THAT good to me, there are few up and downs, but it made me smile jua at the end of the day....

You and me happen, im sure it is beautiful what we are starting it....I know i didnt show my eagerness to you, but for sure, Im very happy about it...i cant stop thinking of you...

You dont know how much u made me smile when im down...

You can make me calm, happy, cheery, and hyper all at the same time...its almost like ure making me like a kid semula...where money, problems and time never existed..and its just us...

I never stop mising you when your gone...

My abg zai :D

"You've gone thru a lot of bad times but u never fail to keep smiling each time and at the end of day standing stronger and better than ever.. :)

On the upside u've landed urself a good job and u've proven ur worth..to me thats an accomplishm...ent and definitely a promise well kept ;)"

Thank you abg zai~~...you made my day

My unemployment and my cup of joe

I have to admit that i hacen't been active with blogging....lol...maybe i just lost the hype...or maybe....the connection is sucky......

lol

Anyways...here's a recap oof me few days ago...

Simple as that, i quit Fosa Sdn Bhd!!.... Hahaha...

Well it's not just me, Hafiz ia jua, and Waie....haha

i've been into an interview in Baiduri....as god knows what my position will be.....and currently waiting for the results which will be in two weeks time...hehehe...

i keep reassuring myself that i got the job, well the interviwee said that im in a safe position for the job~~.....but im still nervous with waiting.....hmmmmm

last night i went Sushi with Abg Zai, i was suppose to bring my sweetheart with me, but ada bit mis-communication, but no matter sweety, hari lain ada lagi tu hehehehe....

Anyways, abg zai treated me sushi, which *ehem* org atu kelaparann mkn laju2 right after arrving benar2....pasal inda mkn lunch tu....

so kids, dont skip lunch walaupun busy, end up in my blog :P......

so we talk alot lah...mainly my choice of works arah company2 yg "professional" like company "b" bkn nama sebenar or "f" bkn nama sebenar...lol......

then we drove off to coffee bean, kana lanja caramel latte~~~....and lepak sana lagi for a while and talk about alot of thing, mainly about the future...then thank god, masuk kereta a few minutes early before it rained....so drove around pasal kan liat college hahaha...

well during the point from coffee-beaning to driving around atu, something caught my mind...hehe..well i was talking to abg zai that i love writing...lol....one of my many childhood dreams was to be an editor or a journalism....lol....

i know im good with my writings lol....so it created this spark of interest to blog lagiii...hehehe

so thats it, im still gonna continue this blog...hehe.....

Well, a big thanks to abg zai for rubbing my hair semlm which made me very sleepy on the road...haha and a very big thanks for the sushi and a cup of joe....hehehe lain x lagi~~~ ;p 27th is coming up......haha...and doa2 kan adi dpt baiduri ah, then i can prove to you that adi pandai kerja....hahaha....6 months tops...:p hahaha

My lots of things

well, yet my brain refuse to sleep again....

i tell you what?, hahaha im freakishly tired...doing nothing on bed is making me thinking a lot of things....VERY MUCH A LOT~~~

Im not gonna put it here, okay maybe a few things....lol....but my brain is weary again...it even makes this optimistic part of go boo~huu....well i never fail to smile of-course...but still i got my "episodes" lol

i know very well where does this insomnia started and how it grows...

i dont wanna be drug dependable, just like i said to any people who suggest drugs to me...pasal the more i depend on it the harder i will fall asleep with or without drugs....i know its frustrating trying to get your hands on something to make you sleep...

owh ever so recently,

im impress and annoyed at the same time how people would suggest me to go with my own best friends to be my bf...im implying to both Hanis and Illham btw... sure i look great with Hanis or how I have the perfect chemistry with Illham but still.... its like mashing up casserole with mash potatoes.... you wouldn't like it....lol

first is illham, how would i be with him? hahaha, the idea is just ridiculous...he's here and there mcm biscuit....seriously his gf pun sangal hahaha....and and why am i so in a perfect chemistry with him is because, get this.....we've been friends since like forever...

then Hanis, well hanis is just complicated sometimes....and im just his mere sidekick hehe helping him here and there....nothing more then that....

so under any circumstances i wouldn't go out with both guys, they're like registered as a friend dah...

lol, thats the thing....anyone can be my the very best best friends....i have to admit, i adapt to people who im with, i shush when the person like me to shush, i laugh when i sense that someone is trying to make a joke, or i just go with my own friendly way to touch them....

mind you, i have so much best friends at the moment, haha sometimes its just overwhelming....teehee....but im okay with it.....i trust them more i trust anyone...they dont keep me lonely jua at times...haha

now im gone all mellow....sigh hahah

alright

im gonna try to sleep again......

My need for sleep

So here's my problem lately,

my insomnia is back, and its showing in a different color now, as in not normal....hahaha

so here's what happen, few days before miri, which was on the 9th. I'm have a good way to fall asleep, as in very good way...i just dozed off in front of a TV, which i barely do when a tv is open. Surprisingly the next day i woke up and find myself waking up around 7.15 ish....

I thought it was okay at first but the next night i went overboard with my games (i played the sims 3 lol) and slept around 2 am....then again i woke up around 7.30...just like that....i was tired but having a hard time falling asleep again...so i just woke up....

then the day where i went to miri, the night before, i slept late pasal i couldn't sleep...then around 12 i hit the sack....the next day, i woke up at 7.00am SHARP....

i was cranky, i meant very cranky but happy pasal shopping....

after miri....i was super tired....but i slept around 2pm....

next day woke up around 7.45....

imagine how cranky i was....i was like huff huff here sigh sigh there....

until today morning i woke up around 7.30...and my dad ask me why am i waking up at this hour...lol....i answered him honestly...then he wanted to bring me to tmpt org beurut....lol which i joke about the guy who will be massaging me a so-called "bomoh" lol...ngalih2 nya pun kana marah jua....

so just got home around 9...after the urut2 haha...but i couldn't sleep....is it possible if that person make it worse....

my brain is starting to fried dah....

and this prove, i dont need stress to activate my insomnia part of me....it just does.....

owh and this morning when i was waiting for my mum from the hospital guess what? hahaha someone ask for my number, and its a dude....lol....its very sweet and very brave of him to come straight to me asking for it tho, well i gave it to him of-course, he may not be keanu reeves but hey gotta gave credit for his effort right?....

My midnight coffee buzz

Okay another week has started....

and its nearly the second day of it....

and i can't sleep...

why you asked?

it's because this stupid twinky drank coffee for no apparent reason...lol

i had the busiest week ever so far, for this year i think...lol....

im still holding on a grudge against the prediction for my Chinese zodiac "Dragon" being unlucky the whole year...ahaha...but still im healthy as a cow....that all that is matter now....

so, here am i, doing absolutely nothing after doing something that is (V.games, chatting, novels and craps)...so here i am reading blogs and whatnot...im freakishly bored...

strangely, i encountered alot of blogs (on my link list or not) that people are coping with difficulties on their relationship...

well being the good person i am, lol, i tackle some of them...chatting saja...

half-way trough it all, i notice that i am single, lol and wondering if i should give people advice when's mine is all crappy and sappy....lol....

i ask my dear old friend, Illham about it...he says one thing "If you're there to help, you're a good person. If they (the one you helped) mention about your crappy sappy relationship, then they're the bad person"...see i'm all blur by the simplest thing sometimes...

im listening to Lady Antebellum's Need you now song...its all mellow...but what the heck...

well, the song makes sense when i was with that certain someone...well the one i call my own brian kinney if you must know...lol...

well, we're okay with each other at the moment...just being friends...funny how things turn back to normal even after the relationship phase...i mean normal as in being ok but still awkward at times... mind you guys, i do still keep my distance from him...

well im sleepy but hyper....lol...my brain is like going blank now...udah atu memblog ahhh...

some other time then